


If only you could see me the way others see me...

by IgnoctForeverEtchedInMyHeart



Category: Final Fantasy XV
Genre: Age Difference, Canon Disabled Character, Frustration at lack of progress, Kissing, M/M, Mutual Pining, World of Ruin
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-07
Updated: 2019-01-07
Packaged: 2019-10-06 02:38:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,578
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17337113
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IgnoctForeverEtchedInMyHeart/pseuds/IgnoctForeverEtchedInMyHeart
Summary: Ignis is adjusting to life as an independent blind man near the beginning of the world of ruin, but Cor is unable to leave Ignis to go through it alone...





	If only you could see me the way others see me...

**Author's Note:**

> I know age differences can be triggering for some people so if it's not something you like then please back away now to prevent yourself experiencing anything negative.
> 
>  
> 
> I hope you all enjoy ^.^

Cor frowned, his eyes narrowing as he watched Ignis growing increasingly frustrated in the kitchen. Ignis was too full of pride and it was his biggest downfall.

Over the weeks since Noctis had entered the crystal leaving behind those close to him, Cor had taken in Ignis, not accepting his answer until Ignis had agreed to move in with him in Lestallum. He knew full well the toll of the journey Ignis had undertaken with their king and witnessed the struggle firsthand as Ignis relearned how to live independently. Ignis was trying to run before he could walk and it was difficult to watch without intervening.

The sound of a glass shattering on the floor was enough. He couldn’t stand by letting Ignis go through this alone with no help even if that was what he wished for.

“Don’t even think about it,” Cor said, interrupting Ignis as he bent down to pick up the glass shards with his bare hands. 

“... It was my error so I shall be the one to rectify the situation.”

Cor shook his head. Ignis was unbelievable. “How did it work out for you last time you had that thought?”

“...”

He knew it was a cold attack on Ignis for his ill-decision to wear the Ring of Lucii, but he wasn’t afraid to call him out on it. He’d only learned the truth due to the nightly nightmares he heard Ignis cry out during… 

Ignis turned back to the counter, his head tilted downwards, Cor set about clearing up the glass and disposing of it safely. He turned back to looked at Ignis, who remained unmoving. Perhaps that had been a touch too far for him to deal with?

“Ignis?”

Ignis turned his head in Cor’s direction. “I’m fine, Marshall. Thank you for your concern, but it is unnecessary.” 

He caught sight of Ignis’ scars, despite the visor he wore at all times. The mere sight of them reminded them is his failure to the group. He had to organise the surviving Crownsguard and Kingsglaive, but he regretted his smaller than he wanted involvement with Noctis’ retinue. The longer he stared, he could almost hear Ignis’ unspoken request not to pity him.

“You’re not alone, Ignis. Though you may feel this is something you have to do by yourself, you are surrounded by people who want to help you, if only you let them.”

“... I know.”

“Very well,” Cor said, folding his arms. He knew his message had reached Ignis even if he hadn’t shown the recognition he would expect of most people. They were very similar in their concise natures. “I will leave you to it then. I have to head out with the glaive today… look after yourself in my absence.”

Ignis nodded. “Then I wish you a safe return. Have you any idea when I can expect your return?” His voice a little higher than usual.

“Unfortunately not,” Cor responded. He hadn’t expected Ignis’ voice to portray his emotions to such capacity. It was clear his presence would be missed far more than he’d realised.

“... I will await your return and keep the glaives fed,” Ignis responded. His fingers felt for the knife and carrots he had been chopping when his arm had caught the glass.

“Only do what you’re able to do. Pushing yourself too soon will only result in furthering your delay recovering. I trust you to pace yourself.”

“You have my word.”

~

His deployment of the glaives around Lucis, found him leaving the base and heading down towards Old Lestallum to help bring stranded civilians to Lestallum. It was only a three-day excursion, but in the moments settling down to sleep for the night or during mealtimes, Cor found his mind wondering to Ignis. He felt protective towards him. 

Having watched Ignis grow up and see him develop into the man he’d become, he was proud of him, but recently, now they lived together it had changed. Where he thought he would take Ignis under his care as a familial figure and as a way of grieving for losing his friend and Ignis’ uncle, he was coming to learn his initial intentions were becoming overshadowed by new desires.

Despite having been Ignis’ superior for several years and their age gap, he found himself drawn to Ignis in a way beyond official or friendship capacity.

The apartment they shared was only one bedroom with a double bed and though Cor had insisted on Ignis taking the bed, he resisted and rebuked that Cor should, at least until he could his keep as a hunter again. Cor, however, was opposed to Ignis undertaking such a role and while he could delay Ignis relearning to fight, he knew inevitably, he would eventually join his comrades in the fray. It was a day Cor was dreading.

Back in Lestallum and the newcomers passed over to Monica to help locate them a place to stay, Cor trudged home. He longed for a bath and change into fresh clothes, not to mention check in on Ignis. 

He needn’t have fretted so much. When he walked through the front door, the smell of food filled his nostrils. 

The radio played in the kitchen, on the station that kept the population up-to-date with the hunters progress in their pursuit to keep the country safe. Each day the radio station read out the names of those who had died in a dedicated slot to honour those who had given their lives for their country and with each name that was read out, Cor felt an unease in his chest.

Ignis came into view, chopping batch loads of vegetables in his personal quest to provide nourishment for all those who fought for their country. Cor leant against the wall, his arms folded as he watched Ignis with a smile. Even blind and scarred, he remained a handsome man. He was certain Ignis looked more relaxed with each name that was read out, clearly he’d been listening so intently for someone he hadn’t noticed his return.

Cor cleared his throat. Smirking at the way Ignis’ head shot up in his direction. A habit Cor supposed. 

“My apologies. I didn’t hear you return home,” Ignis said, reaching for the radio and feeling along its surface until he found the power button. “There. I can hear you properly now.”

“Perhaps don’t play it so loud next time?” Cor teased, walking further into the kitchen and admiring the batch loads of meals Ignis was preparing. There was easily enough to feed the Kingsglaive for a few days. 

“... Perhaps,” Ignis hummed. “It offers me comfort though.”

“You find comfort in knowing who has died?”

“No. I find comfort in the knowledge of who hasn’t perished… there are several people dear to me who are all fighting while I remain here… a mere culinary service…” 

Cor leant against the work surface, his arms crossed, regarding Ignis with a firm look, not that he could tell. “You say that as if you feel your efforts are not important. What you’re doing is keeping our forces fed and freeing them up from needing to consider where their next meal is coming from. Without you doing all this, they wouldn’t be able to do what they do. Stop viewing yourself as a secondary Crownsguard. You’re one of our finest men.”

Ignis scoffed. “Not anymore, Marshall. If you haven’t noticed I’m a shadow of my former self.”

“When you live in darkness, I imagine it’s easy to view yourself as trapped within it, but I see the light emanating from you, Ignis. You are valid and you are lighting the path for many… stop with this self-pity and accept that yes, you are not the man you were, but you are a worthy man of your position no less than before. Experience changes us, but it’s how we handle the change that reflects who we are… You are exceptional, Ignis. You could have given up. You could have laid down your daggers and lost the fight in your heart. You could have left at any moment and never returned. Despite everything you’ve been through, you remain here and that speaks volumes.”

Cor took a deep breath, turning away. “I’m sorry. That came out as far more of a lecture than I intended.”

“No. You’re right… I haven’t been viewing myself in the best light and you highlighted that to me… I thank you. Ever since the incident, most people I come across have stopped treating me the same and… it has worked away at me, making me accept that I am in need of protection as others insist on keeping me under, but you… you make me feel like I’m still the same man, just a little different, and for that I am grateful. Thank you, Cor, truly.”

Cor remained unmoving as Ignis approached, hesitantly reaching out and touching him. He let Ignis’ hands feel his arms, wandering up to his face, but avoiding his mouth, finally settling on his stubble.

“You’ve not shaved,” Ignis laughed.

Cor sighed. “Shaving is hardly my top priority on the field… If it bothers you I will do so now?”

“No… No. It was only an observation… I’ve never seen you with this much on your face,” Ignis said, tilting his head. He let out a hum of appreciation. 

Cor frowned. Ignis’ hands had never lingered on him this long before. He kept calm, but he could feel the differences in Ignis’ touches; they felt more like caresses than of those of cataloguing his appearance. “Ignis?”

“Ah, my apologies,” Ignis said withdrawing his hands and taking a step back, turning away. “I should continue with the food. As you pointed out, the glaives depend on me.”

Cor stood motionless. He wanted Ignis to touch him like that again, but it was too much to expect from him, especially since Ignis rarely initiated such contact. 

One thing was for certain; these new feelings he’d been experiencing were mutual.

~

Cor’s next deployment kept him in Hammerhead for the best part of a month, helping to organise the hunters in the lesser protected area’s of Lucis. It wasn’t as straightforward as he’d hoped and he found himself training new recruits to give them enough skills to keep Hammerhead guarded.

He left a small group of Kingsglaive in charge. He was sure with them taking charge, the operations out of Hammerhead would all run smoothly and any newcomers to the fight would be trained sufficiently, so there was no reason for him to stay any longer.

His return to Lestallum took four days. The truck he was driving wasn’t in the best of condition and there were countless people who needed his help along the way. He couldn’t in good faith decline them a helping hand, even with how eager he was to return to Ignis and seeing how his recovery was going.

He felt a flare of fury upon arrival to discover Ignis had ventured up near the power plant, fighting Kingsglaives for practice. It was irrational, but he wanted to halt the fighting the moment he caught sight of it, but Iris bouncing alongside him, recounting with glee all the battles that Ignis had won so far made him think otherwise. Ignis was capable. It would just take a while to accept that.

When the battle was over, he approached Ignis, letting Iris drag the unfortunate glaive away.

“It seems fortune favours the bold,” Cor smirked. He watched the looked of surprise on Ignis’ face. It was endearing the way Ignis’ pace speed up towards him.

“Marshall… No one informed me of your return… I would have greeted you,” Ignis said, stopping before Cor.

“Meaning, you wouldn’t have engaged in such reckless behaviour for me to witness?” Cor teased. His arms were folded in his usual stance, but he wore a smile. He couldn’t help it. Being reunited with Ignis finally put his mind at ease.”

“... Well, I would have considered it,” Ignis chuckled, but his smile faded quickly. “... It had been so long since I’d last heard any news of you…”

“And what? That made you relearn to fight?” 

“... It encouraged me. I want to be useful to you… To accompany you on your next-”

“Not happening.”

Ignis’ shoulders fell as he lowered his head. “I see…”

“Ignis…” Cor began, reaching out and placing a hand on Ignis’ shoulder. “You are already useful. For now, I need you to stay here, where I know you’re safe. As much as I hate to see you fighting, I won’t stop you training. In fact, I encourage you to relearn how to handle yourself in battle, but I will never train against you.”

Ignis tilted his head. “Why? Why won’t you fight me as your equal? Am I not worthy?”

“That’s not it and you know that,” Cor said lowering his hand. “I have my reasons. I don’t expect you to understand them… but for now, I want you to accept-”

“No.”

“Excuse me?” Cor asked, looking at Ignis with darkening eyes. 

“I cannot remain motionless anymore. I refuse to stand still when all those I hold dear are out there, fighting to keep somewhere for our king to return to. I _can_ fight, albeit, I’m not as skilled as I once was, but I am relearning… I want you to recognise my progress. I want… you to take me with you…” 

Cor’s brow furrowed. “You’re not ready for the field. The daemons are far stronger than anything we faced before. You need more training.”

“Then train me. Please. I’m asking you as your subordinate… and hopefully as a friend.” 

Cor didn’t miss how Ignis’ voice grew less certain the more he said. He swallowed. “You’re more than a friend…” 

His heart pounded at the confession. He felt ridiculous. A man of his mid-forties shouldn’t be this nervous to declare such a thing and no less to a man of under half his age, even if they matched in maturity.

“...”

Ignis’ silence spoke volumes. He turned away, taking long strides towards their shared apartment.

“Marshall! Wait!”

He didn’t and nor did he care to hear Ignis’ rejection. 

Their roles within the Crownsguard had always meant that romance was a rare occurrence with the little time they had to dedicate to it, but with the world in a state of ruin, Cor had thought this was the time to find some form of happiness before it was too late.

Inside their apartment, Cor slammed the door and headed straight to the bedroom. He knew it would be awhile before Ignis made it back, _if_ he even wanted to. The several flights of stairs continued to be difficult for Ignis to navigate and for that, Cor felt guilty leaving him behind, but he needed space.

With nothing better to distract him, Cor striped out of his clothes and took a shower, taking his time to wash off all the dirt and grime he’d accrued from four days on the road with no opportunities to shower. He stood under the scalding stream of water, his fists clenched.

“That was foolish…” he said through gritted teeth and his eyes scrunched closed. 

His thoughts drifting to how his closest friends would judge him for his behaviour. He hated these alone moments because this was when memories of Regis and Clarus surfaced. He could hear Regis chuckling saying, ‘You deserve to be happy, my friend,’ and Clarus’ words of encouragement, ‘Hold on to this moment with everything you’ve got. Love… is fleeting.’” Both had lost their partners to untimely deaths, so he’d witnessed the effects of a lost love and he couldn’t bear that happening to Ignis, which was why he couldn’t allow Ignis to travel with him. He needed Ignis to remain in Lestallum, where he knew he would be safe.

He couldn’t lose anyone else, not when he’d already lost King Mors and King Regis, amongst countless others to this war, and King Noctis remained in the crystal… He wouldn’t see any harm befall Ignis.

Unable to delay any further without his guilt crushing him, Cor turned off the water and stepped out of the shower. He grabbed his towel off the back of the door and dried himself down, wrapping it around his hips.

He had no idea if Ignis had returned home, but it sounded as if he was alone in the apartment as he entered the bedroom and got dressed. He paid little mind to what he wore given how distracted he was, but he took a moment to compose himself before walking out into the living room, just in case Ignis had returned.

He drew a breath when a familiar sight of Ignis standing at the kitchen countertops came into view. Relief washed through him at Ignis having chosen to return home, until he heard faint sobbing sounds as he approached. 

His heart twisted. Relationships had never been something he’d tried to initiate, and this was why. He couldn’t be the partner he needed to be and before anything could start he’d already missed up.

“Ignis, I’m sorry… I was too harsh,” Cor said, swallowing the lump in his throat. Guilt swirled inside him as Ignis shook his head.

“No… It’s fine,” Ignis whispered, wiping his eyes on a handkerchief. “I’m sorry for pushing you… It’s just, I feel trapped. I want to be who I was. I want to be more than I am.”

“You’re already enough as you are.”

“No, I’m not!” Ignis cried, slamming his hand down on the table. “Were I enough, you would stop treating me like a dutiful househusband waiting for his partner to return home… My apologies, that analogy was-”

“Accurate,” Cor cut in. He stepped closer, leaning against the countertop and taking a good look at Ignis as his tears continued to fall. “You’ve no reason to apologise. This situation is my error. I’ve kept you under my protection and treated you like you exist for me.”

“No, you haven’t,” Ignis sighed. “You’ve… done so much for me. You’ve given me a home and asked nothing of me, despite me owing you so much.”

“You owe me nothing, Ignis.”

“...” 

Cor took a deep breath. He stared at the linoleum floor as Ignis blew his nose beside him. Ignis was right. He had been treated like a dutiful househusband and Cor couldn’t deny it. Their roles had seemed so natural a fit since this arrangement had begun that he hadn’t questioned it until recently. 

He looked across at Ignis once more, his hands were trembling as he dabbed his eye around his scars. 

Cor reached out, placing his hand on Ignis’ back. Ignis stiffened, but relaxed after a few moments. He could only imagine how difficult it was to handle physical contact when Ignis couldn’t see it about to happen. 

“If it would make you more comfortable, I will leave. You can have this apartment. There are many outposts in need of help to organise the defensive efforts,” Cor offered. His voice was far more gentle than he’d ever heard himself sound. 

“You’ll do no such thing… I couldn’t be the reason for you to do that, not when…” Ignis paused. He tilted his head in Cor’s direction. “... not when I _need_ you here…”

“Need?” Cor questioned. His breath caught in his throat at the way Ignis nodded in time with another silent tear rolling down his cheek.

“Please, don’t go, Marshall…”

Cor went to respond but Ignis’ fingers found their way to his face, feeling every little detail, lingering near his lips. He remaining still, watching the way Ignis’ lip twitched. He wanted to claim those lips for his own, but he wouldn’t push himself on Ignis, not when he was this vulnerable. He wanted Ignis to be the one to initiate anything that happened.

“... You’re lost in thought, are you not?”

Cor frowned. “How did you know that?”

“The way your brow is furrowed and your jaw clenched…”

Cor shook his head with a smirk. “You’re too sharp for your own good.”

“Yes, well, I pride myself on how clearly I can _see_ situations,” Ignis chuckled.

“Really?” Cor laughed as Ignis’ deft fingers explored his face once more.

“Yes. My in _sight_ is excellent.”

“Ignis.”

“Yes?” he asked, tilting his head. His tears had stopped.

“I will train you, but on one condition,” Cor said, noting the way Ignis’ eyebrows rose.

“Anything.”

Cor lifted his free hand to touch Ignis’ face, cupping his cheek. “That you stay by my side and if I say it’s enough, you do not object. You will follow all orders.”

Ignis nodded. “Agreed. I will do anything you deem necessary.”

“Very well… We have ourselves an agreement.”

“Thank you…”

Cor shook his head. “There’s nothing to thank me for. I…” He closed his eyes. He knew his friends would encourage him to be honest with himself. “You’re dear to me, Ignis… if anything were you happen to you-” His words were cut off by Ignis placing a single finger over his lips.

“Shhh… Nothing will happen to me, because I will have you beside me.”

“Ignis…”

Cor swallowed as he watched Ignis lean in close. His eyes closed just as Ignis’ lips met his. The kiss was a little misaligned, but he positioned them better, his hand firmly around Ignis’ waist as the other moved to his hair.

They pulled away for air, resting their foreheads together. 

“Ignis, that was…”

“... perfect.”

 

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                


End file.
